It was really a pain, an unforgettable nightmare. But God is so good! Now, I'm no longer imprisoned inside my past's den. JESUS SET ME FREE!

From grade school to high school, I was known as one of the best brains in town. People around me believed that I'm a brilliant child. My schoolmates would look at me as an "extraordinary teenage girl". My friends would call me "Idol". My teachers would have me as their favorite "school's representative" for inter-school activities and competitions because they always thought that wherever I'm placed, I excel and I win. I was the essayist, the orator, the journalist, the debater, the mathematician. Everything was on my fingertips. As the world was spinning, I kept on winning praises. It was like the spotlight was always on me. And I loved it. I was famous, I was great, I had everything! Although I believed there's God, GOD wasn't my first priority. My priority was myself and I had that mindset that someday people would look up on me as more than extraordinary. I had to do this, I believe, for this would only be the way for me to have freedom from my parents. I was tired of meeting their standards, tired of intersecting with their expectations. I had brain, and I believe I could live independently. And so I continued on my business.

When I entered college, I found the freedom that I'd always wanted. I enjoyed the release from my parent's grip. My mindset went worse. I was totally blinded by the fact that I was a no ordinary student anymore. I was studying at the University of the Philippines - the premier State University of the country. And since I was beyond ordinary, I had to stand on that belief. I had to find ways to be more than that, more than I was before. I took up BS Applied Mathematics. I joined a sorority and undertook hazing. I became a political activist and joined an underground organization. I had shouted, fought, screamed on streets fighting for the rights of the students, rebuking the dirty system of the government , condemning the administration's repressive and anti-student policies, and denouncing the commercialization of education. This was my view of standing for my generation - rebellion. And I was proud, so sure and so spoiled of myself. I fought for what I believe was right. I fought because I had that dream for the betterment of my country.

I even committed myself into a boy-girl relationship. I thought I could never live without him. He's my once in a lifetime. I argued with my parents because of him. I left my friends because of him. And failed to do my other responsibilities because of him.

I was also driven by the cosmic pressure of technology. The internet, the cellphone, the ipod. I had always them as part of my life. And with all these stuffs, these worldly deeds, the pleasures, I forgot God. He was never on my mind even just a second. What mattered most was feeding my desires. Nobody could stop me - not even my parents. I was happy. I believed I was free.

But one day, everything was lost. I had done a sin that made people cry. The praises were gone. The spotlight turned off. My friends turned away from me. My cellphone got confiscated, and there was no internet, no ipod. I became the subject of the town's gossips. Nobody could believe that I'd done such things. My boyfriend and I broke up. My mom didn't say a word to me for weeks. My world stopped spinning. And I was so ashamed of myself.

Because of the shame, I tried to hide myself inside the four corners of my room. I didn't want people to see me. I was scared of what they're going to say. I cried a river. I didn't have anybody. I only got a pillow but still it wasn't enough. I thought everybody would never forgive me. Even me, I could never forgive myself. I didn't even have the guts to look myself at the mirror. I hated myself.

From then, I began to have severe emotional problems. I became frightened and isolated. I was so disappointed with myself. My agony couldn't be compared to anybody's pain. The thought that God won't show me mercy because I committed something hideous kept running through my bodily plexus. My soul weakened. I thought that it was not a problem anymore. It was a punishment larger than life. And with that, I tried to cease my existence. I gave up. I became the greatest loser ever lived. My life was too down and I only busied myself on writing, reading, and solving mathematical problems.

One day, a friend came to visit me. She is a daughter of a pastor. We talked about stuffs until we landed about God. She invited me to church and gave me Christian readables. I opened the first magazine and read:

"It's possible to be so concerned with what happened in the past, or so caught up in what's happening in the present - that we pay no attention to what God has for us next."

- The Word 4U 2day

Ouch! That was too moving. I guess God really planned to let me bump on this statement. And it opened my way of thinking. I was so concerned about yesterday, not thinking what God has prepared for me tomorrow. It gave me a clearer understanding of my matter.

Two days after, I started to think of things. My past, my present, my future. I began to read the Bible and wrote an entry to my deserted journal. The entry was entitled "God Loves Me". After which, my smile came back. I was aware of the presence of God. I was filled with contentment, peace and joy. I forgave myself and the hurt was gone. God healed my wounded being. I started to gaze the bright sun, inhaled fresh air and shouted, "This is my new life!" That moment, I made the greatest decision of my life - to use what God had given me, to serve and follow Him forever. I began my wonderful new journey of having a walk with God. I found the real freedom I wanted - and it was through Him.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

- John 8:32

Now, as a 17-year old teen, I choose to stand for my generation. Not as an activist, never will I be again. It still won't work if it is really not the will of God. I am now a Child-Rights Advocate promoting the rights of my fellow youth and children. I work in two non-government organizations namely Davao Advocates for the Rights of the Child(DARICH) and Davao Ministerial Interfaith (DMI). I work with evangelical pastors and other religious leaders all over our city. And I admit I still feel uneasy when we'll have our meetings because I' m the one and only young people involved.

I thought I could not use my abilities anymore but God provided ways. He used me to be an example to my fellow youth. Our organizations conduct life skills trainings and seminars for those young people who are gang members, drug addicts, Out-of-School Youths (OSYs), Children In Conflict with the Law (CICL), and Commercially and Sexually Exploited Youth, and other young people who don't know God yet. At first, it was never easy to deal with them, I would really admit that. I was scared to work with this kind of advocacy. I had never reached out with this kind of young people before. But God gave me the desire in my heart. He gave me the desire to see these young people change and surrender their lives to God. To see them accept Christ and to see them praising and worshiping God.

And there came the challenge to me. I experienced the hurts these young people have but I could be an example to them as being a witness for Christ, for what He has done in my life. I want them to see how great life works when it is lived in God's Kingdom.

Now, there are lots of these kind of young people who already work together with me. They have their own great testimonies. They said they will never be the same again. Their words are so powerful that every time they share to a crowd of gangsters and drug addicts, I cry. It's just because of the goodness of the Lord. I am so amazed of how really great God's love is. How He loves His people.

I will never stop seeking young people who don't know God yet. I will never stop chasing them, winning their souls to Christ. I believe God will equip me with the strength and the right spirit. He gave me this desire. Even I am just a young lady - a small voice in a big world - I believe I could do great things for God's glory. I am just His servant who is geared up to face any challenges my Master would let me do.

I will never stop embracing His love and will never stop reaching the unreached and let them embrace God's love too. His love endures forever.